Six Years, Six Applicants
by Sarah1281
Summary: Chronicling Dumbledore's never-ending and sometimes desperate attempts to fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts postion with anyone but Snape and Snape's persistent attempts to land the job anyway.
1. Year One

Six Years, Six Applicants

Year One

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Note: I'm not quite sure how to write stuttering, so I hope Quirrell's lines came off okay.

Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his office awaiting the first of the Defense Against the Dark Arts applicants. Of course, the interview process was rather pointless, given that there was only one candidate aside from Severus. Severus hoped that by applying without fail every single year, he would eventually wear down Albus's resistance and obtain the job. He claimed that if his DADA contract specified that it was only for one year, he could evade the curse, but Albus wasn't about to take chances. Although Merlin knew he had used the position's curse to get rid of troublesome teachers who were protected by tenure.

Still, even if he already knew who would be getting the job, he still felt it would be proper to conduct an interview anyway. Ah! His first applicant had arrived.

"Come in, Severus," he greeted jovially.

"Headmaster," Severus nodded, coming in and taking a seat. "You know why I'm here."

"Ah yes. You wish to apply for the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor for the…" Albus glanced down at his notes. "Tenth time?"

"That is correct," Severus said stiffly. Each year's rejection seemed to make the already surly man crankier.

"Why do you want to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Albus asked.

"I don't," came the expected reply. "But since you continue to emotionally blackmail me into being a professor despite the fact that I cannot stand anyone under the stage of 17 and am thoroughly convinced that approximately 98 percent of the Hogwarts population are a bunch of dunderheads. As such, I would much prefer to teach a subject that I still enjoy and is not slowly sucking the life out of me. Besides, every year you insist on putting Gryffindor and Slytherin together for Potions cuts at least three years off of my life."

"I see," Albus said diplomatically. "What are your qualifications for teaching this position?"

"I was a bloody Death Eater, Albus, and I've survived spending extensive time around the Dark Lord, including several months as a double agent, and that's more than most people can claim," Severus glared at him defiantly.

"That's a good point. What about Harry Potter, though?" Albus was actually genuinely curious about Severus's reaction to the boy. He was not quite so petty as to blame him for the sins of his father, but whether Severus would take the boy under his wing because of his love for Lily or despise him because he wasn't the father remained to be seen.

"What about him?" It really was remarkable just how devoid of emotion Severus could sound when he chose.

"You vowed to protect him."

"And I intend to do so," Severus said stiffly.

"Then I'm sure you'll agree that the best way to protect him is by watching over him at Hogwarts," Albus prodded.

Severus gritted his teeth. It had taken Albus three years to convince his Potions Professor of that, but now he appeared to accept that, albeit reluctantly. "And Defense Against the Dark Arts is taught at Hogwarts. I would be his teacher and see him just as frequently as if I were to teach Potions."

"This year," Dumbledore agreed. "And then next year you would no doubt be out of a job."

"Not necessarily," Severus insisted. "If I simply step aside-"

"Others have tried that," Albus reminded him. "Remember Professors Bones and Greengrass? It made no difference, in the end they were driven from the castle in disgrace."

"This is different," Severus snapped. "I don't have perverse desires towards young children nor do I smoke Gillyweed. The worst of my crimes, being a Death Eater, is not likely to get me fired anytime soon. Anyone who was around back then already know and those remaining allies of the Dark Lord who evaded Azkaban think I'm playing you for a fool and the rest who revere you take your word for my trustworthiness."

"You know," Albus said thoughtfully. "I've been meaning to talk to you about this. They wouldn't _have_ to take my word if-"

"No means no, Albus," Severus cut him off. "I do not, now or ever, want anyone to find out about Lily. ESPECIALLY the Potter brat."

Well, that answered that question. Severus was determined to be bitter to the last. "Severus, please," he rebuked. "The boy is only a child and you've never even met him."

"I bet he looks just like his father," Severus said. "Except…Lily's eyes." He closed his own eyes, no doubt picturing just that, and shuddered. "Besides," he said, abruptly changing the subject. "You're letting Quirrell have a shot at the position for a year and he teaches Muggle Studies."

"I know; I actually hadn't intended to get rid of him, but after his sabbatical…well…" Albus hesitated. "He's still capable of teaching, but he seems to be one loud noise away from a complete nervous breakdown and he did seem _so_ excited about the prospect of teaching Defense now that he's broadened his horizons and encountered many of the dark creatures he'll be teaching about. In all honestly, this will probably be his last year at Hogwarts regardless of if I give him the position, so why not throw him a bone?"

"Why not throw **me** a bone?" Severus retorted. "I've been here ten years now."

"Because Quirrell isn't vital to Harry's protection once he enters the magical world and you are not on the verge of a mental breakdown," Albus responded patiently.

"Want to bet?" Severus muttered.

"Now, if that's all, I believe our interview is concluded. I'll let you know about the position just as soon as I-"

"Hire Quirrell. I get it," Severus sighed and headed for the door. Once he reached it, he paused and turned back around. "I'll be back, you know."

"I'm counting on it," Albus told him. "Next."

Pale and twitching, Quirinus Quirrell entered Albus's office. He was wearing a large purple turban that Albus couldn't help but stare at. Honestly, it looked ridiculous. Not that he was one to judge, of course, but still, it was twice the size of his head.

"Y-you're certain that it would be a-a-alright for m-me to t-take this p-p-p-p-position?" Quirrell stuttered. Now, Quirrell had been a member of the staff for the past five years, but he was always so reclusive that he and Albus had never established a first name basis. Now, with his imminent mental breakdown and flight from the castle at the end of the year, it was likely they never would.

"Of course," Albus assured him. "Charity Burbage has recently returned from her two year stint living as a Muggle and has applied for your position. If you qualify to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, then I'll hire her so it really isn't very inconveniencing to simply move you around from one subject to another."

"I heard that S-Severus also c-came here to ap-p-p-ly," Quirrell said, looking absolutely terrified. Really, Albus would have to have a talk with Severus about not terrorizing already traumatized colleagues. Obviously, it should go without saying, but Severus often needed to have social niceties like that spelled out for him. Not that he didn't understand them, of course; he just didn't feel the need to comply with them unless Albus specifically ordered him to. Albus usually didn't resort to forcing Severus to be nice, but it wouldn't do for him to have to find a new DADA professor before the year ended, now would it?

"Don't worry about Severus; he applies every year," Albus assured him.

That sparked Quirrell's interest. "R-Really? Now w-why w-would that b-be?"

Albus shrugged. "I'm not sure, really. I think it's more a matter of principle now rather than actually expecting to get the job anytime soon."

"I s-see," Quirrell said, looking doubtful.

"Let's talk about you. What are your qualifications for teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Albus quickly segued into more neutral ground.

"W-well, I've been a p-professor for four years. L-last year, I t-traveled the w-world and encountered m-many f-fascinating dark c-creatures and m-managed to rid s-several villages of their l-local m-magical m-menaces," Quirrell said proudly. It was rather odd to hear some stuttering proudly, but there it was.

"Is that where you got the turban?" Albus asked, hoping he came across as merely politely interested rather than trying to contain his mirth. He often had difficulty doing that when confronted with other, younger wizards absurdity. He was told, in fact, that he perpetually had an air of grandfatherly amusement on his face. That was quite useful, really, as no one ever noticed that he was secretly laughing at them if that was his usual attitude.

"W-why, yes, yes it i-is," Quirrell stammered, pleased. "It w-was a g-gift, actually, from an African p-prince for w-warding off a p-p-particularly t-troublesome zombie."

"Oh?" Albus asked, intrigued. "What happened?"

Quirrell looked away. "I-I'd rather n-not t-talk about it if you d-don't m-mind. B-bad m-memories." The more nervous Quirrell was, apparently, the worse his stammering.

"Of course," Albus said soothingly. THIS was his candidate to teach this year? Once Severus spent some time in Quirrell's company, he was going to kill him. Ah well, he'd rather die at Severus's hand than Tom's any day. Normally, Albus wouldn't even entertain thoughts of giving Quirrell the position when he so obviously needed a good deal of therapy. On the other hand, it was just one more year, how much damage could nine little months do? And it wasn't like he had anyone but Severus gunning for the position.

"I think I've heard enough," Albus forced a smile. "Congratulations, Quirrell."

Quirrell promptly fainted.

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	2. Year Two

Year Two

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Albus winced slightly as Severus stormed into his office, robes billowing behind him, and slammed the door behind him. Severus always did know how to make an entrance. No doubt he was here to complain about Albus's last choice as Defense Professor. He always did, though admittedly Quirrell was slightly more offensive than his predecessor, poor Professor Brown, whose mother had passed away so unexpectedly and forced her to leave as she had to take up her duties as head of her family.

"I get that you don't want me within ten feet of that position, Headmaster, but really? You would hire the _Dark Lord himself_ over me? Really?"

Albus didn't think he had ever seen Severus so upset, not even when young Sirius Black attempted to feed him to Remus Lupin during the full moon. He really should have known Black would end up dark after that little incident (the boy had only been sixteen, for Merlin's sake!) but his tendency to see the best of people had clouded his vision in regards to Harry's errant and apparently murderous godfather. Speaking of, Remus would make an excellent candidate for DADA teacher if one overlooked his unfortunate lycanthropy. Perhaps he should send out feelers for next year? Lord knows it would probably take a year to convince him. And possibly longer to convince Severus to brew Wolfsbane potions for one of his schoolboy tormentors and yet another person Albus had given the Defense position to instead of Severus.

And if the Potions Professor was mad now, Albus didn't even want to think about his reaction upon learning who Albus was planning to hire this year.

"Well?" Albus was surprised to find that Severus had still been ranting and was now expecting an answer.

"I did not realize that Voldemort was-"

"On the back of Quirrell's head?" Severus finished, sneering slightly. He usually managed to control himself better in Albus's presence, but this whole situation was proving to be a bit much for him.

"Well, no," Albus admitted. "I wasn't expecting Voldemort to be so bold, so desperate as to sneak into Hogwarts under my very nose. Even at the height of his power, he never dared, so why now?"

"It's exactly because he's so desperate. He's been out of a body for the last ten years and now he's suddenly handed this gloriously placed idiot, a teacher at your school, who just happens to stumble across him the year you hide the Philosopher's Stone at Hogwarts. Placing Dark-Lord bait in a school full of children is a truly reckless and horrible thing to do, by the way," Severus said, looking meaningfully at him.

Albus sighed. "Yes, yes, you've told me this many times before."

"And I was right, wasn't I? I knew that a student…I knew that POTTER wouldn't be able to resist," Severus said triumphantly.

"To be fair, it wasn't rampant curiosity, it was his desire to protect the Stone from Quirrell," Albus was quick to defend his favorite student.

Severus actually rolled his eyes at the Headmaster. "And how do you think he found out about it in the first place? Rampant curiosity. And if that boy wasn't so arrogant, he would have realized that first years are not supposed to go chasing after Dark Lords or possessed professors, they are supposed to tell responsible adults and _make them listen_. For that matter, they are supposed to have enough faith in the greatest wizard of our time to trust that the Stone would not be so shoddily guarded that by bypassing some rudimentary obstacles, a thief could get their hands on it. The Stone would have been in less danger if Potter could have left well enough alone," Severus said bitterly.

Severus and Harry had not exactly hit it off over the course of the year, but at least _Harry_ didn't feel the need to complain about Severus every time he turned around. Or, at least not to Albus.

"Yes, yes," Albus waved Severus's concerns away. "However, you have to remember he is still only a child and has much to learn about our world. Given time, I'm sure he'll learn to trust and seek out responsible adults when he needs to instead of charging in foolhardily and getting someone killed."

Severus snorted in a way that showed that he seriously doubted that.

"But that's not why you're here, is it? You've come to apply for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor for the," Albus checked his notes. "Eleventh time, correct?"

"Indeed," Severus sobered instantly.

"Harry will only be a second year next year and so he will still need five more years of protection that you will not be able to give him if you are unceremoniously cast from the castle as per the DADA curse," Albus said calmly.

Severus twitched. "I've already told you how you can get around the curse but I see that once again you refuse to listen to anyone who isn't in their triple digits. And is there any reason you're refusing to give me this job that _doesn't_ involve Harry Potter?"

Albus chose to ignore the first part of Severus's statement for two reasons: He had to quickly come up with another reason he wouldn't give Severus the job and the man also happened to be right. "Of course there is!" he exclaimed, sounding shocked.

Severus raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Such as?"

"…I need to protect you from the Dark Lord and his followers. Now that you've turned-"

"The Dark Lord is in **Albania** and I'm fairly certain he has bigger things to worry about than me. Additionally, half of Britain is already convinced that I still support the Dark Lord, so I think I'm safe now, eleven years after the Dark Lord's fall," Severus remarked dryly.

"You can never be too careful," Albus said cheerfully.

"Yes, Albus, yes you can," Severus disagreed. "You've been at least six _years_ too careful, if you ask me."

"And while the magical populace has come to accept a rather substandard and uneven education in Defense Against the Dark Arts due to curses beyond our control, Potions Masters of your caliber are few and far between. I will not sacrifice the Potions education of any Hogwarts student by providing them with a less than ideal learning environment and instructor," Albus declared nobly.

"Would 'a teacher who deeply loathes children' and 'having Gryffindors and Slytherins in the same class who attempt to murder each other by sabotaging the other House's cauldrons' count as a less than ideal learning environment?" Severus asked innocently.

"In any case, who would I hire?" Albus asked rhetorically, certain that Severus was exaggerating. Honestly, the man was brilliant but always had such a flair for the dramatic.

Severus started coughing something that sounded strangely like 'Horace Slughorn.'

"There is Horace, of course, but he's retired he enjoys that far too much to be persuaded back easily," Albus said sighing. "No, there really is no one who can replace you. You're just too valuable to lose right now."

"While I would normally be flattered," Severus said wryly. "I can't help but think that you're just making excuses."

"Severus, please, think of the curse," Albus entreated.

"Why haven't you gotten around to removing that curse yet?" Severus continued. "I mean, you're the most powerful wizard alive and the curse has been along for how long now? Over thirty years, at least."

"NEXT!" Albus called out quickly.

Swaggering in, a confident grin firmly in place, came Gilderoy Lockhart.

"You have got to be kidding me," Severus said incredulously. He rubbed his eyes. Lockhart was still standing there. "Gilderoy Lockhart? Honestly? First the Dark Lord and now this? Do you hate me, Albus? Is that it?"

"I see you've heard of me," Lockhart beamed. "Of course you have, I'm quite famous you know. Not to mention popular with the ladies." The applicant actually WINKED at them. Albus was beginning to get a really bad feeling about this. "You know," Lockhart continued, eyeing Severus critically. "I could recommend a brand of shampoo for you. Or ten. In fact, if you wait right here, I can go get some right now-"

"That's quite alright," Severus said, struggling to contain himself and heading for the door. "I'll just be going. If I don't show up for dinner, know that I've finally taken Madame Maxine up on her offer to teach Defense Against Dark Arts at Beauxbatons."

Sighing slightly at Severus's theatrics, Albus turned his attention back towards the blonde man in front of him who's greatest achievement to date – as he delighted in reminding everyone – was winning Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award. Still, he couldn't possibly be any worse than a professor who was secretly possessed by Voldemort and more concerned with killing Harry Potter, killing unicorns, and stealing the Philosopher's Stone than teaching and so Albus was willing to give him a shot. Besides, he was the only one who had applied. Thank goodness Charity Burbage had been satisfied with her position and he wouldn't have to go hunting for a new Muggle Studies professor as well. Although strangely, he never had any shortage of Muggleborn applicants eager to open students eyes to the Muggle World.

"Strange fellow," Lockhart remarked casually. "Rather surly. And once I finish that line of hair-care products I'm working on, I'll make sure to give him a lifetime supply. Seriously, that much greasiness…" he trailed off, sounding pained.

"Yes, well, Severus spends a lot of time around potions fumes and that really isn't conducive to hair like yours," Albus replied, wondering why in the world they were talking about Severus's hair at a staffing interview. It really was quite bizarre, but at least Lockhart hadn't started in on his hair and how he should get a haircut, which Minerva occasionally nagged him about. "What are your qualifications for teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"I was hoping you would ask me that," Lockhart said. "I've taken on banshees, ghouls, hags, trolls, vampires, werewolves, and yeti. I've managed to become incredibly rich and famous, but I think I've still kept my head on the ground. Basically, I'm just an ordinary – if incredibly handsome and talented – man and I think I can really reach these kids. Besides, I need time to write my newest book, Dealing With Dragons, and this will give me an excellent opportunity to sit down and write it out."

"Teaching at Hogwarts is a full-time responsibility," Albus told him seriously. "In addition to teaching classes, filling in for sick or incapacitated faculty, grading copious amounts of homework and class work, patrolling the halls, and handling the occasional detention, you never know what life will throw your way and so you must always be prepared for anything."

Lockhart nodded. "I understand that, but surely nine months is enough time for me to write one little book, particularly if I use a Quick-Quotes Quill."

"Those are illegal," Albus said sternly, ever the head of the Wizengamot.

"Only for interviews," Lockhart waved his concerns off. "Now, not to be rude, but could we please hurry this up? I've got a hair appointment in fifteen minutes."

"Of course. Now, while I'm not quite satisfied you fully understand what a huge time commitment this post is, I'm sure you'll learn in time. Welcome aboard, Gilderoy."

Lockhart looked mildly surprised that Albus had been considering NOT giving him the job and a little offended.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go talk my Potions Professor out of defecting to France," Albus said, walking his newest professor to the door.

Lockhart shuddered. "By all means. Oh, and give him my card, will you? Seriously, it's only a prototype right now, but it will do_ wonders_ for him, I'm sure."

Making a mental note to never, ever bring up Lockhart's obvious and somewhat disturbing desire to give his new colleague a makeover, he went off to find the man. At this rate he was beginning to think it would just be easier to risk the curse and simply hire Severus.

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	3. Year Three

Year Three

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

"I thought that this year, as a nice change of pace, you might want to actually hire a _competent_ Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. And maybe one who isn't possessed, if you're really ambitious," Severus said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Once again, Albus was conducting last-minute staffing interviews for one of the most vital and yet poorly-taught subjects at Hogwarts. And once more Severus was using his valuable interview time to complain about Albus's previous choices. Someone really ought to tell the man that badmouthing the competition works better BEFORE they leave the job.

"I'll admit, the last two candidates have been…" Albus paused, searching for the right word. He finally settled on, "Less than idea."

Severus snorted. "That's an understatement if I've ever heard one. And it hasn't just been the past two years; it's been all twelve years I've been teaching. Not to mention some of the Professors employed when I was a student…" he trailed off, clearly reminiscing.

"There was nothing wrong with-" Albus began.

"You hired a Veela my fifth year, Albus," Severus cut in. "Just try to tell me that that's conducive to hormonal teenage boys' learning anything?"

"I never noticed a problem," Albus said stiffly.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Of course **you **didn't; you're immune to not only Veela but practically the entire female population. I'm starting to think that you're asexual."

Or he could be gay, of course, but no need to bring that up. Just let them all think he was too old for that kind of thing. "It's not easy to fill this position, you know," Albus changed the subject.

"I realize that. However, I've been right here dropping anvil-sized hints about wanting the post since you hired me," Severus pointed out.

"My dear Severus," Albus said soothingly. "I couldn't possibly aff-"

"Afford to lose me, I know," Severus said wryly. "Out of curiosity, have you even tried to locate Slughorn?"

"I've been too busy persuading my newest applicant to show up today for a cursory interview," Albus defended.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "For an entire year? Was he hiding from you or something?"

"No, nothing like that," Albus shook his head. "He just really didn't want the job."

"Did it ever occur to you ask someone else?" the Potions Professor asked pointedly.

Albus thought for a moment. "Well, I _had_ heard that Alastor is retiring at the end of this year-"

Severus glowered at him. "I was talking about **me**."

"Oh," Albus said, momentarily taken aback. "Well, no then, no it didn't."

"Why do you think I keep applying?" Severus growled in frustration.

"Tradition?" Albus offered.

Severus looked pained. "I didn't think it was possible, but I think that your taste in Defense Professors is actually getting WORSE. Next thing you know, you'll be hiring a bloody _Marauder_." He laughed at the thought.

Albus sat there, trying not to look suspicious or guilty. And failing miserably, if Severus's sudden look was anything to go by.

"You don't plan to hire a Marauder, do you?" Severus asked in a low, dangerous voice.

"Lockhart wasn't that bad," Albus quickly addressed Severus's earlier statement so as to avoid the question.

"He's in the Janus Thickey Ward of St. Mungo's!" Severus exclaimed.

Albus waved a hand dismissively. "Accidents happen. He's the third teacher to end up there."

"Did the other teachers attempt to Obliviate two second-years and leave a first-year to die a horrible painful death at the hands of a manifestation of the Dark Lord first?" Severus challenged.

"Well, no," Albus admitted. "The first one made the mistake of visiting Hagrid when he was drunk and ended up on the wrong end of that pink umbrella he carries around and the second made one too many unwanted advance towards Minerva."

Severus waited expectantly but it appeared that that was all Albus was going to say. "Well?"

"You don't want to know."

Severus winced. "Even _if_ you ignore the somewhat sketchy events pertaining to the Chamber of Secrets, there remains the fact that he's practically a Squib and-"

"Severus, please, there's no need to be so judgmental," Albus corrected him.

Sighing theatrically, Severus amended, "I'm not saying anything against Squibs, but perhaps they would be better suited NOT teaching subjects that rely heavily on wand usage. The only spell we know that he was proficient in was Obliviate and look where that got him."

"It almost wouldn't be so bad if he had only taught the children that spell," Albus mused. "Still, I suppose that would seem too suspicious."

"While I disagree that it would be a good thing for a castle-full of teenagers to all suddenly be able to erase each others' memories," Severus said, no doubt envisioning several scenarios that would inevitably occur if the Obliviate spell became widespread. "I have to point out that of course he didn't teach them anything: he was too busy trying to indoctrinate them into the Cult of Lockhart. Boys, girls, the man is not picky. He just wants universal adoration and didn't seem to realize that he couldn't possibly get the students to purchase more of his books because all of them possessed a full set already thanks to the power he had over the curriculum."

"Yes, well, perhaps Lockhart was a tad bit overly concerned with his fame, but that really couldn't be helped. I simply had no time to impress upon him the importance of being a teacher in between all of his tutoring of the other professors-" At this Severus shuddered, but Albus continued on, "his petitioning for the formation of a dueling club, the attacks, Hagrid getting arrested, and my getting suspended."

"Maybe this can be a lesson in 'paying more attention to your DADA Professor of the year'?" Severus suggested.

"Maybe I can do that by Harry's fifth year," Albus said dubiously. "I've got far too much to do in the meantime."

Severus groaned at yet more proof that the Headmaster was running the school according to Harry Potter's special needs. "Next year is the Triwizard Tournament so I can understand that, but what about this year?"

"Sirius Black just escaped from Azkaban about an hour ago," Albus informed Severus tentatively, awaiting the inevitable explosion.

"WHAT?!?!" Severus screeched.

- -

Three hours later, it was time for the next interview and Severus had not yet calmed down. "Of course he would pull something like this. He's a bloody psychopath! Remember when he tried to kill me because I was _annoying_ him? When he was sixteen? He was always going to go dark and now he's up and escaped Azkaban-**YOU**!"

Albus – who had been examining a magazine of Muggle knitting patterns – looked up at Severus's strange greeting. Ah, Remus had arrived.

"Severus," Remus said neutrally. It really was fortunate that the most diplomatic of the Marauders was the only one to remain, Albus reflected. Particularly when Severus was on the staff and still holding grudges.

"What are _you_ doing here, Lupin?" Severus spat.

"I've come to apply for a job," Remus said, looking as if he thought that were very obvious and Severus really should have worked that one out on his own. That was true, but in the man's defense, he had yet to recover from the shock of hearing that the person he hated more than anyone else had just done the impossible and was on the lose and probably going to attempt to kill Harry.

Gaping wordlessly, Severus turned to Albus. "You…Black JUST escaped and you thought it was a good idea to hire his werewolf accomplice?"

"Sirius escaped?" Remus asked, looking startled.

After shooting Severus a dirty look, Albus sighed heavily and attempted to reassure Remus. He hadn't wanted him to know until after he signed the contract. "Yes, it's true. Sirius Black escaped Azkaban four hours ago."

"I can understand if my being employed at Hogwarts will compromise-" Remus began self-deprecatingly while looking longingly at the door.

"NO!" Albus all but shouted. He cleared his throat. "Don't you see? Now we need you more than ever to protect Harry. Surely you wouldn't walk away and leave a young, innocent thirteen-year-old boy who also happens to be all that you have left of two of your closest friends to Black's mercy?" he asked innocently.

"I guess not," Remus agreed grudgingly.

"What are your qualifications for teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Albus continued smoothly.

"There are qualifications?" Remus asked bemused. "In that case, I don't know what I'm doing here as I have absolutely none."

"Surely you must have _some-_" Albus began.

"Nope, none."

"Well there you go, Headmaster. Even** Lupin **thinks this is a bad idea. Although that never seemed to stop him back when we were in school-"

"It was we graduated over fifteen years ago, Severus, let it go," Remus snapped.

"Never!" Severus vowed.

"What about at Hogwarts?" Albus suggested. "You were a prefect for three years and graduated at the top of your class."

"That was such a long time ago; I've probably forgotten everything," Remus said miserably.

"I'm sure that's not true," Albus reassured him, pointedly ignoring Severus's suspicious coughing fit. It was almost as if he were saying 'yes it is'… "You've always been very driven and I have no doubt that you can catch up on whatever you need to in the next month before school starts and that you'll be a great success. Especially, as Severus delights in reminding me, in light of my last two DADA teachers."

"I don't know, Headmaster," Remus said doubtfully. "I'm still not sure that I even want the job."

"What about Harry?" Albus pulled the almost-godson card.

"I'm sure you can provide more than adequate protection for him," Remus replied.

"Don't you want a chance to meet him?"

Remus wavered for a moment but then shook his head. "I think the memories would be too much for me, especially this year, with Sirius on the loose."

"Severus has promised to brew Wolfsbane Potion for you every month," Albus tried again, beginning to get desperate.

"You have?" Remus looked curiously at Severus, who glowered back. "Well…since this is last minute and I'm sure you don't have time to go and find someone else…I guess I'll do it."

Albus grinned broadly. "Excellent. I'll have one of the House Elves show you to your quarters."

Before he could open his mouth, Severus, who had been standing frozen in horror, snapped out of it and stormed towards the door. "We are no longer speaking," he informed Albus dramatically.

That went well.

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	4. Year Four

Year Four

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

"I told you, didn't I?" Severus drawled, strolling into Albus's office to apply yet again for the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. He had forgiven Albus for hiring Remus – for the most part – but it had taken until a week after school started for Severus to relent and cease his childish silent treatment.

"You told me what?" Albus asked absentmindedly. "Is this your way of telling me that you're applying for the thirteenth time?"

Severus nodded. "Naturally. And I'll keep applying until you either die or give me the position, whichever comes first."

"Why will you stop applying once I'm dead?" Albus asked, genuinely curious. "Do you not really want the job and worry that someone else might actually give it to you?"

"Of course I really want the job," Severus scoffed. "It's just that Minerva will be your replacement and since she's known me since I started and you have often regaled her with tales of my epic quest to obtain my desired position, I don't really think she'll need an interview. Either she'll trust my teaching abilities or she'll want me gone from the castle and can't outright fire me because of tenure and hopes giving me the DADA contract will do her work for her."

"That would be completely unethical," Albus said, pretending to be shocked and appalled.

Severus snorted. "Like you haven't done it at least four times that I've worked here. Hell, you even did it with Quirrell. And quit distracting me!"

"I'm not distracting you," Albus said innocently. "And I resent these wild accusations."

If he was hoping to continue distracting Severus – which, of course, he was – then he failed for Severus's next words were, "I want you to admit that I was right about Lupin."

"I don't believe that you were," Albus said stiffly.

"I TOLD you that he was helping Black and I was right, wasn't I?" Severus pressed. "All this time, you're Golden Boy Gryffindors who got away with attempted murder were just as dark as I was. You still can't admit that, can you?"

"Remus assured me that he had no idea that Sirius was innocent until the night that Harry and his two friends stumbled across them," Albus said, in a tone that clearly warned him not to argue.

Severus rolled his eyes but did not press the point. "Why does everyone keep throwing around words like 'innocent'? Black, whatever else he may be, is certainly _not_ innocent."

"Do you still refuse to believe that Pettigrew is alive?" Albus asked, sighing tiredly. Severus could be so stubborn sometimes.

To his surprise, Severus waved his hand dismissively. "At this point, I don't even think it matters. Betraying Lily, while an unforgivable crime that ought to be punished by a lifetime of being surrounded by Dementors culminating with a Kiss, is not technically illegal. Probably because she was Muggleborn. What Black WAS in jail for was killing twelve Muggles and Pettigrew. Regardless of whether or not Pettigrew is alive, there are still twelve dead Muggles to be accounted for."

"Ah, but Severus don't you see?" Albus leaned forward earnestly. He had to make Severus understand what had happened! Then, maybe, the old Marauder-Snape grudge could be put to rest, twelve years after the Marauders'…disbanding, for lack of a better word.

"See what?" Severus asked blandly, clearly regretting bringing Black up now that it looked like it would only result in yet more blatant favoritism for anyone in the Lion House. Really, he was beginning to think that most important qualification for Headmaster would be to have not attended Hogwarts themselves and thus be immune from House prejudices. Unlike certain people who had graduated at_ least_ a century ago and still seemed to think that he was the Gryffindor Head of House.

"Pettigrew is alive and so when he shouted that Sirius betrayed the Potters, he must have been covering for the fact that _he_ did and when we all thought Sirius blew up that street full of Muggles, it must have been Pettigrew! Why else would he have cut off his finger and lived for twelve years as a rat?" Albus asked rhetorically.

"I'll give you the 'betrayed Lily' point," Severus said slowly, refusing even now to acknowledge James's death as anything tragic. "And fear of retribution by the Dark Lord's followers led him to hide – although really you'd think he'd just leave the country and employ some glamour, I guess it just goes to show that he always was an absolute moron – but that doesn't necessarily mean he killed those Muggles. I mean, honestly, Headmaster. Pretend Black was an, I don't know, Ravenclaw. Or Hufflepuff. You know, a house that people are capable of viewing objectively. Would you honestly put it past him to become so enraged at the loss of Lily that he would blow up an entire street to try and kill one person? I know I wouldn't."

"Sirius assured me that he did no such thing," Albus said shortly.

Severus rolled his eyes again. "Oh, well if BLACK says it didn't happen, then it **must** be so."

"Let's not quibble about Sirius's trustworthiness, shall we?" Albus suggested, sensing that if he didn't put an end to it, Severus would gladly rant about Sirius all night.

"Fine," Severus said curtly. "Let's 'quibble' about the ethics of manipulating two thirteen-year-olds to break an escaped and dangerous, possibly unbalanced, convict out of Ministry Custody instead."

"I did no such thing," Albus lied virtuously.

"Everyone knows you did," Severus scoffed. He paused, considering. "Well, everyone except Fudge. But then, he always was a bit of an idiot."

"Within five minutes of noticing Black's escape, you came thundering into the Hospital Wing – upsetting Poppy terribly – and accused young Harry of somehow engineering Sirius's escape despite the fact that Poppy was keeping an eye on them at all times except for the ten minutes or so when I was with them. I assure you; I did not let them out of my sight when I left."

"That's very nice, of course, and quite plausible, too," Severus conceded. "If you didn't happen to know that Miss Granger was in possession of a bloody Time Turner this bloody entire year!"

"That's quite farfetched, Severus. Why would Miss Granger and Harry risk their lives to spring a man they had only met hours earlier?" Albus asked reasonably.

"Because they don't have any common sense!" Severus practically shouted. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. "And why didn't you just demand Black received a trial if it's that important to you?"

"I can't just go about _demanding_ people receive trials, Severus. It's not my place," Albus demurred.

"Of course you can. You're Albus Bloody Dumbledore! And what's more, you're the Head of the Wizengamot. You can decide who lives and who dies," Severus said crossing his arms. "It's because of Potter, isn't it?"

Albus nearly choked. "Harry?"

"Yes, Potter. If Black were pardoned, as the boy's legal godfather, he would have claim to him and then your precious blood wards would be useless as no politician would ever leave the Boy-Who-Lived with Muggles when they could send him to a Pureblood instead. Even if said Pureblood is a convicted criminal." Severus said 'Pureblood' like it was a curse word.

"He's not convicted, he hasn't had a trial," Albus corrected automatically. When Severus raised an eyebrow pointedly, he quickly racked his brains trying to come up with a reason that would satisfy Severus. Fortunately for him, however, that was right about when his next applicant came in. "Come in!" he called, trying not to sound too relieved.

Looking grizzled and as paranoid as ever, Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody entered his office. "I don't see why I have to interview for the position," he grumbled. "Seeing as how I'm only taking it as a favor to you."

Albus could literally feel the heat of Severus's glare at that. He coughed. "Yes, well, have to make it official for the Board of Governors and whatnot."

"Don't know why you even need to call me in. I just retired last week, you know. Besides, that fellow looks like he's keen enough for the job." Alastor cocked his head to the side and peered intently at Severus. "He might even be willing to kill for it."

Severus was beginning to look distinctly uncomfortable under the ex-Auror's scrutiny.

"I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for his replacement," Albus said apologetically. "Potions Masters are hard to come by these days."

"If you're asking about Slughorn," Alastor began gruffly. "He's in Manchester. I had lunch with him Tuesday."

And now there glare was back.

"I see," Albus said delicately. "Well, no doubt he will have moved on by now."

"Actually, I think-" Alastor started to say.

"Please don't trouble yourself over my little staffing problem," Albus entreated earnestly. "Severus has already declared that he will continue to apply unfailingly until I die, so that may very well be another twenty years or so. Plenty of time to locate someone."

_Oh_, if looks could kill. Well, non-Basilisk looks, that is.

"What are your qualifications for teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Albus inquired.

"I was an Auror until four days ago, I've been in more combat situations then your students can even begin to comprehend, and half of the cells of Azkaban are full because of me," Alastor said darkly. "How much more 'qualified' do I need to be? You hired Lockhart after all."

Now Alastor was starting in on him, too! Honestly, what was it, when did DADA interviews turn into 'Gang Up On Albus' time? Still, maybe one of these days he should just give Severus his precious position. That way he'd get it over and done with and could conduct his interviews in peace. Was it even proper for Severus to be here when the other candidate was applying?

"Anything else I should know?" Albus asked, knowing Alastor far too well to have any follow-up questions for the man.

"I'm great with kids," Alastor offered, smiling dangerously.

Albus and Severus shivered in unison.

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	5. Year Five

Year Five

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Note: Hopefully my explanation for Dumbledore hiring Umbridge is somewhat reasonable giving Snape has made it abundantly clear just how much he wants the job.

"Well, I must say that was a resounding success," Severus said sarcastically as he strolled into Albus's office.

"No need to be snippy, Severus," Albus said, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Who's being snippy?" Severus asked innocently. "Death Eater or not, Crouch was the best Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor you've hired while I've worked here."

"You can't be serious; he tried to kill Harry," Albus pointed out.

"So he did," Severus said disinterestedly, inspecting a nail. "That doesn't take away from his teaching prowess. And since every Defense Professor but Lockhart – who merely tried to Obliviate the boy – has tried to kill Potter, I don't see why you're making such a big deal about this attempt."

"Because it brought Voldemort back?" suggested Albus.

"That had already happened before Crouch's murder attempt," Severus said. "And if he had failed on the resurrecting the Dark Lord front, he almost certainly would have attempted to kill Potter anyway."

"That is true," Albus admitted. "I feel that as Remus has already agreed to rejoin the Order of the Phoenix, I should probably point out that he never actually tried to kill Harry."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Lupin didn't take his Wolfsbane Potion the night of the full moon, he purposely sought Potter out, then he transformed into a werewolf and would have at least turned Potter into a werewolf as well if it hadn't been for Black being an illegal animagus and having a moment of nostalgia in the Shrieking Shack with the living Marauder's and Potter's son. He may not have _meant_ to nearly kill Potter, but that's negligence if I've ever seen it."

"Those were extenuating circumstances-" Albus began.

"Of course there were," Severus said sardonically. "It always is when you happen to like the person who did something illegal and stupid."

"While I agree that perhaps Remus should have thought things through more," Albus said slowly. "Forgetting that it was the full moon in light of discovering that a dead friend is actually alive and a traitor isn't exactly illegal."

"Maybe not," conceded Severus. "But not mentioning the fact that a convicted felon – oh alright, a 'felon who's never been to trial' – who everyone knows wants to get into your place of employment knows several secret passageways inside of it and can turn into a dog and nobody but you knows that might fall into the 'illegal' side of things."

"Why are we even talking about this anyway?" Albus demanded. "That was a year ago."

"Because you've yet to satisfactorily address my concerns," Severus said, crossing his arms over his chest. "But very well, let's get back to this year. I think the fact that Crouch was a raving lunatic who has spent thirteen years in either Azkaban with the Dementors or his father's house under the Imperious Curse makes his ability to mimic sanity – or at least Moody – very impressive, not to mention his abilities as a teacher. I think he really missed his true calling when he took up with the Dark Lord."

"Remus was a fine teacher," Albus protested.

"I thought we weren't talking about that year?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow. "And all he did was teach about Dark Creatures. I understand that he has a certain affinity for them, being one himself, but spending an entire year learning about them instead of learning spells to defend yourself, which are far more useful if you don't plan on going travelling or cleaning out an old, neglected wizarding home, particularly in these trouble times."

"Remus had no way of knowing Voldemort would be back so soon," Albus reminded Severus.

The Potions Professor nodded. "I realize that," he said grudgingly. "However, we all knew it was only a matter of time."

Realizing that Severus had a point, Albus quickly changed the subject. "I've heard more than enough about Remus. Why don't you get back to talking about Crouch."

"Ah, yes, him. I would also like to point out that it's very sad that you failed to notice for an entire year that Crouch wasn't actually Moody."

"In my defense, he was using Polyjuice Potion and regularly questioning Moody under Veritaserum," Albus said, his ears turning a bit pink.

"On the other hand, do you honestly expect me to believe that his taking Potter out of your sight after the end of the Third Task was the first time Crouch slipped up throughout an entire year? I seem to recall you lamenting that you 'just didn't know him anymore' and it was as if he were 'a whole different person' more than a few times during the first few months."

Albus coughed. "Well, I had just thought that retirement changed him or it was because we hadn't spent as much time together as of late."

"And because of that you let a servant of the Dark Lord teach here for the second time in four years." Severus paused, considering. "Still, I suppose it could have been worse. At least you didn't, fail to notice the presence of the Dark Lord himself again."

"Yes, well…" Albus trailed off, wondering if there was actually anything to say that could make him seem less oblivious. If there was, he couldn't think of it.

"And what did you make of it when you found out he was illicitly casting Unforgivables on the students?" Severus continued.

"I thought that perhaps he hadn't quite understood that he was dealing with children now and not suspects," Albus confided. "They say the mind is the first to go."

Severus stared at Albus for a long moment. "Do they indeed?"

Albus wasn't quite sure what he was implying so he kept silent.

"By the way, have you made any progress on the 'Finding Slughorn' front?" Severus asked.

Albus had the good grace to look sheepish. "No, I haven't. I've been searching frantically for him since Harry told me about Voldemort, but it seems he's become more elusive than ever."

"Wait…" Severus began incredulously. "You've _actually_ been looking for him?"

"For the past two weeks," Albus confirmed. "Now that Voldemort is back, it seems like as good a time as any to let you have the position. That way if you should get driven from the castle, I can use you more effectively as a spy."

"But you can't find him," Severus said hollowly.

"No," Albus agreed. "And even if I could I'm not sure I'd be able to convince him to come back. After all, my name is mud right now with everyone thinking that I've lost it because of my support of Harry, who they all believe is a lying schizophrenic. That really doesn't make any sense though because assuming Harry isn't right, he would either be lying about Voldemort's return and therefore know he wasn't back so he might be crazy to want to incite a panic like this but not schizophrenic or he really does think Voldemort is back when he isn't, which would make him schizophrenic but not a liar as he truly believes that. The wizarding world really can't have it both ways, but try explaining that to them."

"Why doesn't Fudge just have Potter use a Pensieve to prove once and for all what happened that night?" Severus asked reasonably. "I know they are incredibly rare, but the Wizengamot has one at their disposal and it would answer those questions about Cedric Diggory's death as well."

Albus coughed lightly. "They would, but Fudge actually had a brilliant insight about that."

Severus stared at him. "Really?"

"I know; I found it difficult to believe as well. He believes that it's possible that Harry witnessed Cedric's death and certainly stumbled across his body. His behavior upon leaving the maze suggests that he was quite traumatized by it and as he was already unbalanced – as Rita Skeeter has spent the year painting him as – he hallucinated the entire experience with Voldemort. If they view a Pensieve, then, they will probably see Voldemort's resurrection, if only because Harry genuinely believes it happened."

Severus opened and closed his mouth a few times. "That's…that's brilliant. How do they explain Diggory's death, then?"

"They're not actually going so far as to claim that Harry killed him," Albus said. "Which is a relief because in this political climate, people would believe them. They think that Cedric either was killed by the creatures in the maze or – given the lack of any marks on his body – was Avada Kedavra'd by Krum under the Imperious Curse and Krum won't admit he did more than stun Fleur because he's worried that as a foreigner he won't have a fair trial and due to everyone rejecting Harry's story, his own statement about being Imperioused might not stand up either."

"They aren't throwing out Krum's insistence that he was Imperioused?" Severus asked, surprised.

"They have no need to," Albus replied. "After all, Crouch Sr. is dead and already discredited and Crouch Jr. is soulless and there has to be some explanation as to why he was still alive and masquerading as a teacher for a year. They claim that he was delusional and thought he could bring Voldemort back to life, but failed. Since the Cup was supposed to be a Portkey to take the winner out of the maze so the winner couldn't be ambushed on his way back, there is nothing to prove that the Cup first travelled to Little Hangleton."

Severus groaned. "Why can't Fudge apply this level of competence to the other aspects of running the Ministry? Or for that matter, the fight against the Dark Lord?"

"Fudge doesn't want Voldemort to have come back on his watch; it will surely cost him the next election at the end of the year," Albus explained. "And Fudge is accepting too much bribe money to interfere with how Lucius Malfoy runs his Ministry."

Severus snorted at that. "So who's the lucky applicant this year that will get my dream job? In the last few years we've had the Dark Lord by proxy, a self-absorbed, incompetent, and Obliviating fraud of a celebrity, that werewolf Marauder, and now an insane Death Eater."

"I'll do everything I can to find Slughorn," Albus promised quietly. "But in the meantime, due to all the rumors floating around and my own lack of time, I could not find anyone to fill the position."

Severus looked blankly at him. "Couldn't find…? But there has to be SOMEONE. You can't just not teach that this year."

Albus smiled grimly. "I know. And that's why the Ministry has kindly allowed me the use of one of their top officials for the year."

"They're only doing that because they can't remove you from Hogwarts and they want to be able to spy on you during the year and have someone able to run off to them the minute it looks like you're up to something. In fact, they might even try to use it to get you removed from Hogwarts," Severus pointed out.

Albus sighed. "I know, I know, but there has always been an agreement that since the Ministry helps fund Hogwarts if the Headmaster cannot find anyone to fill a position, the Minister gets to appoint someone."

"And how many times has that been used, exactly?" Severus asked, curious.

"Three times since Hogwarts went public in the 1300s," Albus admitted. "So this would make four. Still, it was going to happen sooner or later, with Voldemort cursing the job. I'm actually surprised I managed to last thirty years without needing to resort to this."

"But this is the worst _possible_ time," Severus said anxiously. "I honestly can't think of any time that could be worse than right now."

"I realize that and hopefully by next year I'll have found Slughorn and can place you in the DADA position so we won't have to deal with too much Ministry interference."

"Hem hem."

The two men looked up to see a rather toad-like woman standing in the doorway.

"Ah, Madame Umbridge, is it?" Albus asked. "Welcome."

"Why is she even here?" Severus hissed to Albus. "If she was appointed by the Minister, she doesn't need to apply."

"I know, but she wanted to anyway," Albus whispered back. "And I thought it would be a good way to get a measure of her before entrusting the education of my students to her."

"I hope this isn't a bad time?" Umbridge asked, her voice sickeningly sweet.

"Of course not; I'm merely finalizing staffing matters and exploring possible future candidates for Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor so you don't have to fill in indefinitely."

"How kind," Umbridge gave a tinkling laugh that sent shivers down Albus's spine. Clearly she didn't expect him to be around long enough to need to replace her.

"What are your qualifications for teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Albus asked politely.

"I am the Senior Under-Secretary to Minister Fudge which makes me the second-in-command," Umbridge beamed.

Severus looked rather nauseous at the thought that anyone so…**pink** holding that much power. To be honest, Albus was getting a bad feeling about her, too.

"That's very impressive," he finally managed. "Are you sure taking this job won't interfere with your Ministry work?"

"Oh no; I can do paperwork just as easily here as anywhere else and I can have meetings via the Floo network when I can't leave Hogwarts," Umbridge assured him brightly. "I may need to occasionally head back to the Ministry, but surely you understand that I can't abandon my duties at the Ministry because I've been called upon to educate our youth."

"No, we can't have that," Albus managed to agree.

Severus leaned in closer to him. "If you don't have bloody legions out looking for Slughorn and she stays for longer than a year, I cannot possibly be held accountable for my actions. Hell, I'm not even sure I'll be able to make it that long."

Somehow, Albus knew exactly what he meant.

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	6. Year Six

Year Six

Note: I first heard 'The Pink' in reference to Lana Lang from Smallville, but it seemed appropriate so I'm borrowing it from wherever it originally came from.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

"I think centaurs are my new favorite magical creatures," Severus announced as he strode into Albus's office.

Albus, who had been pretending to work on paperwork but was really examining his recently deadened hand, looked up at the Potion's Professor. "I assume there is some context I'm missing out on?"

"Despite your promises, you did little to nothing last year to rid me of The Pink. The centaurs, on the other hand, did something – I'm not quite sure what nor am I sure that I even want to know – to her and now she is gone," Severus explained patiently.

"The Pink?" Albus blinked. "Do you mean Professor Umbridge?"

Severus snorted. "Please, Headmaster. That woman may be many things, but a Professor is not one of them."

"Then whatever was I paying her for?" Albus asked dryly.

"That's a good question. I mean, all she did was force the students to read the textbook," Severus pointed out. He cocked his head, thinking. "Actually, I'm fairly certain Lockhart did the same thing, but at least he read out loud and acted things out with Potter, which was sure to cause some emotional scarring. And you never did end up paying him, did you, once he lost his memory?"

Albus pointedly avoided Severus's gaze. "You never let anyone take out their wand either."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Because I teach _Potions_. I have enough near-fatal incidents without the aid of wands. The minute one of those dunderheads – particularly in my Gryffindor Slytherin classes – becomes armed, those near fatalities I always gripe about will almost certain become actual fatalities."

"Perhaps you're right; a wand really has no place in a Potions Classroom," Albus agreed, completely disregarding the last part of Severus's statement. Surely if the situation was that bad, someone would have said something by now. Well, someone who wasn't blinded by anti-Slytherin sentiments.

"And as for your allegations that I was ignoring your pleas to rid you of Dolores Umbridge, I must remind you that I was rather busy last year," Albus reminded Severus. "Dark Lords to watch out for, prophecies to protect, fugitives to keep alive, wizards to persuade, Harry and my credibility to uphold…" Albus counted off.

"And let me be the first to tell you that you failed spectacularly at three of them," Severus said matter-of-factly.

"It's hardly my fault Sirius wouldn't just stay put," Albus argued. "I mean, he may have been a little sick of being under house arrest, but I told him that we had everything under control."

"Headmaster, have you ever met Black?" Severus asked rhetorically. "His precious godson by the unholy union of Lily and that wanker Potter was in danger. Again. Because of his own stupidity, arrogance, and refusal to go to adults when he had problems. Again."

"Severus, really, it isn't quite so bad as all that," Albus protested.

"In fact, I believe that I said something similar about Potter needing to turn to adults right after that whole fiasco with the Philosopher's Stone," Severus continued. "You said he'd eventually figure that out, but it looks like he never did. He got a man killed, Headmaster." As an afterthought, he added, "Even if it was only Black. I noticed they pardoned him posthumously."

Albus shrugged. "They had to do something to help spin the negative PR. And the prophecy was protected; Voldemort still has no idea what it says."

"But it's been destroyed. Four fifth years and two fourth years were attempting to keep it from at lest half a dozen Death Eaters and it's only a bloody miracle that kept the prophesy from falling into their hands," Severus said, allowing a trace of frustration to creep into his voice.

"Call it whatever you will, the fact remains that it was perhaps for the best that the prophesy was destroyed as now Voldemort will never be able to gain access to it as Harry and I are the only ones who know the entirety of it," Albus said sagely.

"You do realize that Potter has got to be the worst Occlumens in the school and any half-trained Legilimens could pull that information out of his mind and go running straight to the Dark Lord? If nothing else, you know Draco Malfoy has been recently initiated, all too stupid and enthusiastic to realize what he's getting himself into, and spends quite a bit of time around Potter already?" Severus reminded him.

"So keep them apart," Albus suggested.

Severus took a deep breath before replying. "That's like trying to keep the Marauders away from me: it's just not going to happen."

"And Harry and my credibility are doing just fine," Albus said loudly, dutifully ignoring the beginning of yet another lecture about his tendency to favor Gryffindors. So he had a little residual House Pride. Was that really such a bad thing?

"After the Dark Lord was stupid enough to come to the Ministry personally in the middle of an attack that was sure to have triggered some sort of alarms," Severus replied. "I just don't understand why he would do that. I mean, if he was willing to come personally, he should have waited until all of excitement about the battle died down or, alternatively, just entered the Ministry and stole the prophecy without all of the drama? And what was to prevent a Death Eater from coming in and removing the prophecy without picking it up? He could have knocked it off the shelf. Or if that wouldn't work, he could have broken it. Since all those involved at the Ministry Battle would appear to be just as sane as they were when they went in – which, admittedly, isn't necessarily saying a whole lot – that's proof that someone could do that without going insane. Since prophecies state their contents aloud after being broken, there was nothing stopping anyone from coming in, breaking it, and then recording the prophesy. Even if he couldn't remember it word for word, the Dark Lord could have simply used legilimency to get the information," Severus ranted.

"That's…quite a speech," Albus managed to say. "I would not presume to understand what Voldemort is thinking, but I can hazard a guess that perhaps he did not put as much thought in alternative methods of obtaining the prophecy as you did."

"Which, in of itself, is very sad considering I just came up with those now," Severus muttered.

"You always were very creative," Albus told him. "Now, not that I don't enjoy verbal sparring with you, but I do have a war to coordinate and not quite a year in which to plan out Voldemort's destruction."

"Why can't you have his destruction take place now so you can be around to see if anything goes wrong – and it will if Potter or Lupin are involved – and compensate accordingly?" Severus asked petulantly.

"Harry's not nearly ready," Albus responded gravely.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Well, if _Potter's_ not ready, then by all means take another year or two, never mind all those silly little people DYING all over the place."

"Severus, please," Albus said firmly.

Severus sighed heavily. "I'm here to apply for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor."

"Severus…" Albus began softly.

"You've found Slughorn, haven't you?" Severus cut him off harshly.

Albus nodded. "I'll going to go see him tomorrow. Are you really certain that you can beat this curse?"

"Under the circumstances, probably not," Severus confessed.

"Circumstances?" Albus repeated.

"Once I kill you, there will be no going back."

"You don't know that it will come to that," Albus tried to reassure him.

"Yes I do," Severus countered. "You're right; it's either me or Draco and Draco is only a child. I'll do what I have to do."

"I did tell you that I sometimes think we sort to soon, didn't I?" Albus asked.

"Don't insult me by comparing me to a Gryffindor," Severus bit out.

"Very well," Albus bowed his head. "What are your qualifications for teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"I've been a spy for nearly half of my life and involved in the war even before that. I've watched out for Potter and kept him safe from the Dark Lord and yet he still thinks I'm loyal. I'm watched amateurs come and go and have forgotten more than most of them have ever known about the Dark Arts. I'm willing to sacrifice everything to bring an end to this war." The declaration was quiet, but passionate.

"After fifteen years, Severus, I think you've more than earned it. Congratulations."

Note: The end of the chapter wasn't really very amusing, but to be fair, they were talking about setting Snape up to be one of the most hated men in the country after being forced to kill Dumbledore.

And while I understand that Dumbledore would have had a great deal of difficulty doing Harry's job in Book 7 (though he still could, technically), Dumbledore never actually tells Snape much about his plan, so naturally he would have no idea why it couldn't be done.

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